Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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