The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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