don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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