1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
