At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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