I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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