so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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