Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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