Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
