He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
