Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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