every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm too high and old for this...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
