I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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