Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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