She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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