thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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