shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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