Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
