Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
