The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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