i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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