You're completely useless in the revolution.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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