Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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