i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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