I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
