Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think your dad took our porno
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
