even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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