Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
