you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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