You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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