She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
