Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize