I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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