I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
