I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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