It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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