Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
