yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
