She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The adults are the big ones right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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