it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
