i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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