Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
