you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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