i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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