so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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