so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
