I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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