just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
