Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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