is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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