my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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