When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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