She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
