Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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