is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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