I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
