I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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