It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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