So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
