Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
