shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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