What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
