I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
