party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
