so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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