McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
