I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to make out with him forever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
