I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
